A week has flown by, and there's a difference in my mood - a much more positive and upbeat one. Last weekend I was reeling from an 'ending' - I really don't do well where endings are concerned, even to the point that I've been known to put off reading the last book in a series, or the concluding chapter in a book 'cos it would mark the end of something 'special' to me, which of course is symptomatic of the fear that nothing else would ome along after it ... harumpf!

Over the weekend I improved, though I stayed away from groups of people I care about in case my over-emotional state spilled over and caused problems where older problems are just beginning to heal.

During the week at school two things have kept me occupied. No, make that three.

Firstly, the days have been spent engrossed in making the egyptian collars for the production of Joseph. I finished the main characters' ones yesterday afternoon ... and I'm sure they'll look fab under stage lights - it's amazing what you can do with blown vinyl wallpaper, cardboard, pva glue, metallic acrylic paints, metallic card and sequins! There are some bits and bobs that still need to be done, but they should be easy enough to do next week.

Secondly, the preparations are well underway for my classroom move in school. The head of science has spent all week with his classes clearing out the room I am moving into. It's HUGE - Must be nearly twice the size of my room, though it has a low ceiling. It's very stuffy and warm this time of year 'cos there's not much in the way of ventilation. So, I've demanded fans to be permanently installed in there, and that's going to happen. This weekend the new room is being painted too - black noticeboards and 'moonshadow' borders, moonshadow being a pearly gray-lavender colour which should look soothing (nicer than beige, which is what it is now!). Black noticeboards are my 'trademark' in school - they get filled with bright, colourful displays, the black forming a nice edge to them and also heigtening the brightness of the colours! It won't look gloomy and like a tomb for long.

Thirdly, form tutor reports had to be written. Sadly I stayed behind school on Thursday AND Friday to get them written. That was the better option than bringing them home with me. I try to never bring work home with me from school. I used to be a workaholic, but I've since drawn the line overwhich work does NOT cross, and firmly remind myself if it can't be done in school time it doesn't get done ... reports are a little different as they have to be done. You can tell I don't enjoy the work though - my handwriting is appalling on them this year, normally my writing is incredibly neat and beautiful to look at, but not on these reports.

I have this weekend mostly to myself. I should make a visit to my railway on Sunday ... not sure what I'm going to do today ... yet. I'm glad it's a lot cooler, as that means that it would be good for me to go and do stuff today. I'll have a look for maps/books on prehistory and churches and see if there's somewhere fairly local I'd like to visit to spend time drawing...I'll see!

Shattered because I'm still a little drained from my Belfast trip...where the archaeological finds were made public, as were the publications and information panels for around Lough Brickland next door to the A1 road between Belfast and Dublin. If you remember, I wrote two of the books - the children's book called 'Digging Down' and the non-technical report/coffee-table book called 'A Road to the Past - Archaeological Excavations alongside the A1 near Lough Brickland'. The education minister for NI was there, as well as big bosses from DRD Road Service NI, who funded the publications and signage. I had to do an interview for the BBC news in NI, but I have idea if any of it was aired ... lots of people came to chat to me about my book, the minister said it was of the quality that 'our children in schools deserve to enrich their education and to help them understand our common past', or words to that effect. She was very complementary about 'Digging Down', which will be going out to schools ready for September. It and 'A road to the past' are being held by Roads Service, who will give them out to intereted parties, I gather.

After the lakeside presentation and all the media photos and interviews, everyone went back to a local school for a light lunch and to see the archaeological artefacts and to chat to the archaeologists, the person in charge, and me. I got to renew acquaintances with the archaes in NI, and to meet other people, to wax lyrical and help explain about the archae and the books, and I was even asked to sign some peoples copies of the books ... everyone was very complementary about my work.

Lianne and Steph, two of the archaes and Steph being an archae illustrator, both said my neolithic foodstuffs illustration was their favourite in the book ... blimey! My friend in charge of the project said that he'd also been told that by many others ... which amazes me, but more about that in a lil bit ...

Then it was time for me to really 'erform'. I had a group of 40 children - half around 14 years of age, the other half around 8 years of age ... to tell them about the book and read a story ... how hard was that? What a difference in ages, I'd've not read a childrens story to the teens! But I waxed lyrical and read the story ... and my job was made very difficult by the woman demonstrating stone-age crafts to the other 40 children, and the flint knapping and movement drowned me out. But there were still mesmerised little faces listening and watching ... and some adult ones too I think. The groups swapped over, and I had 40 8 and 9 year olds, who were mostly transfixed, I think, even with the noise going on ... and then I got to go and help talk to them about the artefacts ...

And then it was all over ... tea and cake with my friend, back to the airport and home.

I've been told that Roads Service wanted their great thanks passed along and to say what a great word-smith I am ... which is nice. There's been lots of complementary things said about the books. The teachers with their pupils wanted to know when they would get copies as it is just what they need for part of their curriculum ...

...and my friend is determined that more projects like this will happen, and I will be the person doing the writing, and Steve Cannon will be doing the illustration ... My friend and I both believe that the evidence found does have a tale to tell, it needs to be related to the people to left the evidence and made the artefacts and in doing so you make it accessible and interesting to everyone ... scientific/technical archae reports are all the thing now, but there is still a story to tell, if you know how to do it. And it seems, by all accounts, that I do know how to do it. In fact, one of the archaes there told me that when he read 'Digging Down' to his two and a half year old son ( who was disappointed 'cos there were no trains or dinosaurs in it) it made him remember why he loved archae so much.

I was fascinated by the pots on display. I'd only seen one when I was there last year, this time I got acquainted with some others. My research on Prehistoric Pottery and a fascination I've found for them has me looking at things now that others would miss, such as the inclusions added to the clay, marks, fineness and so on ... the vase urn was fabulous and felt very interesting too ... and getting to see and hold and touch all these wonderful items again was fantastic!

Yesterday was a total day of contrast. Back to school. Often by myself. Drained after the day before's performing and gushing enthusiasm ... I was very emotion, teary, confused, befuddled and worried as to whether I'd caused offence, upset, explained things wrong, let others down, etc etc ... I brightened up when I was asked by a couple of people about my trip ... and then sunk back into the gloom all to readily... not good, an automatic response that needs to be altered as I've been working on other things.

I realised how I just don't see what I do in the same way other people see it. I just don't get how they seem to think it is all so good ... or why they make a fuss ... something to work on.

I spent yesterday evening in bed, curled up with 'Twilight' for total escape - it gave my 'ego' something to do that would pacify it so the inner me/higher-self/spirit/my true self/whateveryouwanttocallit rebalanced itself. Add to that a good nights sleep and I woke this morning smiling at memories of people holding my books and how good they looked, the warmth when people wanted to talk to me about what I'd done, to say how good it was and could I sign the book for them, the smiles on faces as I explained things, the laughs and amazements from the children and adults as I told a tale and talked about the Neolithic and Bronze Age (well very selected parts of it ...), about how life was the same but different, picking out the similar tasks we have, but how we do them so differently...I even taught the second group of children a welsh word - cwtch, meaning 'cuddle' amongst other meanings.

I'm smiling now as I remember these things. My counsellor says that's pride ...it makes me feel smiley and warm ... I now have to work on what love feels like, not the gushy/romantic/all absorbing 'assion' at the start of a relationship, but what love for self is like, love for others, love for the world/universe/all of creation. It's a different thing, an everyday thing, and it starts with loving and caring for yourself ...which includes not putting myself down at every instant and seeing myself and what I do with the right kind of persepective.

Why is it the closer a deadline gets the more focused my attention becomes, the greater clarity I have in my ideas, and the less I procrastinate?

Why doesn't this happen if I set myself deadlines or tasks to do, even with a 'by today' date?

Just musing ... I've found the clarity I need to prepare myself for Thursday's book reading, to get the powerpoint presentation sorted to illustrate the 'talk', or more accurately 'stories'. I still have time to tweak it and polish it ...

Also, I'm beginning to realise how good it is for me to collaborate with others, to have people to talk to in order to get my creativity flowing ...

Solstice has brought some realisations/inner truths/clarity with it!

Still off school, but voice does seem stronger. Need to go out to get some nice shoes to go with my posh dress for Thursday - the morning 'do' is a posh one, so no jeans/trousers and floaty tops!

I'm still at home. My voice still isn't right, so I'm taking time off to rest it, to let it heal, so that I'll have it back by Thursday for the book-readings!

Talking of books, I recieved a copy of the 'coffee-table' book that I wrote about the archaeology in Northern Ireland. It looks, well ... professional! I can't believe I did it. Nor the childrens book ... I am chuffed. And I hope everyone who was concerned with the project, all those with their help, advice, editing are chuffed too, 'cos without them, these books wouldn't have been complteed or as polished and as professional looking as they are.

I have one story completed for Thursday - a prequel to the childrens book. I have an idea for a little one about the Bronze Age, about how widespread contacts were, traders tales. But whether I'll get it done in time for thursday is a different matter. I do have to get a powerpoint presentation together to go with the story and the book, and plan out my time with the groups of children so at least I have a clue as to what I'm doing...but also allow time for them to ask questions and answer some too ...

IN some ways it's a very good thing my voice has disappeared for a wander now ...